How to Fix the Fear of Spending Money on Yourself
A few months ago I got the chance to meet author Ramit Sethi of a book called I Will Teach You to Be Rich. Now that I have fully dived into his book, I love his unique ways of thinking. They completely change traditional budgeting methods around. How? He encourages spending money — on you! This mindset is so different from most other budgeting gurus because it takes away that stinging guilt so many of us feel when it comes to spending money on ourselves. If this is an area of struggle for you, I’ve broken it down into simple steps you can start taking today to help you feel more OK with spending money on yourself!
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Connect your money to your life
A lot of times we feel guilt spending money because we are stuck in a mindset of limiting beliefs. One way to combat this is to get crystal clear about the life you want and what you value. When you know your values, there is a lot less guilt around spending when the things you buy are enhancing your life in these areas.
Most people don’t realize that when you connect your money to your life dreams/values, it can have an empowering effect.
Working to align your life in all areas in fact is one of the most beneficial ways to transform your entire life both inside and out.
Recognize your negative beliefs
What is it in particular that you feel when you spend money on yourself?
- I don’t deserve this
- There are people who need the money more than me
- Money doesn’t grow on trees
- Maybe next time
- That’s too much money
More often than not, your biggest roadblock is the money mindsets you have in your brain. The belief that you are undeserving of money.
First take the time to locate your limiting beliefs and then go through the following steps.
Dream really big
There’s a lesser-known thing that is talked about in the budgeting world and that is if you attach your money to something bigger than yourself, you will see more money, save more money, and all around have a healthier experience with money!
How can you begin to attach your money to something bigger than you? By asking yourself what your absolute biggest dreams are! My personal favorite way to do this is with the method I call “Seven Times Why (7xY)” You can watch the video below where I walk you through this method.
Ultimately what the Seven Times Why method does is help you get deep down to the core of why you want more money. Chances are, if you keep going, you’ll be crazy surprised at the answer! But, you’ll have a way better understanding of the true value you place on money in your life.
What do you need to reach that dream?
Once you have gone through the Seven Times Why process to find the root desire for why you want more money, start asking yourself what you will need to achieve this dream. Take the time to write them down.
These things don’t have to be material items, either!
For example: My Seven Times Why reason is: to live a life of meaning. (When I realized this, I cried. Helping others to live a life of purpose and meaning has always been my desire and passion behind everything I do.)
Start by just doing a complete brain dump. Get out a sheet of paper and just write. Write down everything that comes to your head that you might need to achieve your dream. Here’s what my brain dump looks like.
- Self-help books
- Listen to that inner voice
- Help others
- Serve
- Stay true to me
- A voice
- Help
- Action plan
- Joy in my life
- Gratitude
Take the time to really examine your list. Pay attention to anything that recurs over and over again. Really….I hope you take the time to do this. If you don’t have time right now, bookmark this, come back later and do your brain dump. Then, proceed to the next step.
I highly recommend doing this in a place where you have some peace and quiet. So you can hear your own thoughts.
Review your spending last month
I love what author, Ramit Sethi says, “Spend extravagantly on the things you
Take the time to really look through your budget and see what purchases are not helping you toward your dream goals. This is the entire premise I have used for building my course, The Bucket List Budget, and it has allowed our family so much freedom in all areas of our life.
What doesn’t align?
What areas of your spending have you spent on in the past, but can see don’t clearly help get you toward your future goals? Take the time to cross those things off your spending plan and make a note of the savings.
The more you can work to free-up a little more of your income, the less likely you are to feel stressed about spending in areas that align with your life’s goals.
Create a spending list
Now it’s time to create a list of items that you are going to give yourself full permission to spend on! Things that align with and help you reach your goals.
You should not have to constantly carry around the stress of spending money on yourself. Sometimes the only thing stopping you is permission. So give yourself permission to spend and do it with purpose.
Maybe that fear of spending on yourself is because you never really took the time to tie your purchases to a larger picture goal.
Goal-centered spending
Maybe you did your brain dump, or you did the Seven Times Why method and don’t feel like you actually need to spend any money to make your dream happen. I want to challenge that thought.
Let’s say your goal for life was to be happy. So you need to laugh more, be around more people that make you happy and enjoy life’s little moments.
While you don’t necessarily need money to make all of these things happen, it sure helps a lot. Your spending list might look like this:
- Funny movies
- Comedy shows
- Nights out with the girls
- Movie tickets
- Travel fund
No matter what your goal in life, there are things that you can spend some money on to help enhance the human experience. Dive down deep into what you want for your life and who you want to be. What does that look like? What do other people who have accomplished this goal look like? How do they spend their money? (We don’ need to be copy cats here, but I think you know what I mean.)
There is a price for peace
I read a great article while writing this post about a woman who loved the idea of being frugal and never spending money on herself. She had struggled with anxiety her entire life, and when she found an app that actually helped her anxiety, she couldn’t get herself to spend the $70 on it!
Her instant response was guilt around money and her belief that she shouldn’t spend that much on herself. NOT spend money on something that has proven to be beneficial to your mental health!? Come on, now!
When it comes to spending money on yourself I want you to think about this story and be aware of your purchases. Be honest with yourself about a product or service’s ability to transform your life. Even a good pair of high heels can change the way you carry yourself.
You can’t change the world if you don’t first change the way you show up in it.
Automate your savings
I know I used to beat myself up month after month because I wouldn’t be able to save money for the life of me! With the best of intentions, I would try to tuck money into our savings, but then I would over-spend and end up taking money out of savings.
If this sounds like you, there are 3 things I want you to do:
- Set up a savings account separate from your checking
- Automate a savings deposit every paycheck
- Feel less temptation to take from savings (because it’s harder now) and feel freer to spend
By setting up solid savings (and retirement accounts) you will have created a hefty safety net for you and your family. In doing this, there will be so much less stress when it comes to spending here and there.
Need more help on how to build a budget and plan your spending in a way that aligns with who you are? Check out my course, The Bucket List Budget that dives deep down into the ability to spend on yourself and your dreams.
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